Did you know sportsball is an inherently racist sport? The high salary pay-outs can only do so much to mask the true nature of the game, which is streamlined to appeal to racists.
The game usually features large, caricatured blacks who take orders in a field and fight over possession of a primitive thing called a "rock", which they generally try to steal from one another, hitting on all the stereotypes. Even more racist is the fact that the actions on the field are generally coordinated by a white playcaller, sometimes known as a slavedriver, who distributes the rock-thing. The slavedriver gives the orders that from commanders on the sideline who are generally old white men, referred to as slave overseers.
Responding to anti-racist protests, sportsball's organizers have caved and begun to make changes to the game. But most franchises have scoffed at the idea of implementing Affirmative Action to replace the white slavedriver playcallers and overseers. One reason for the resistance is that whites continue to be most successful overall in these positions. Perceptions are likely fueled by memories of the most successful slave driver and overseer dynasties:
The game usually features large, caricatured blacks who take orders in a field and fight over possession of a primitive thing called a "rock", which they generally try to steal from one another, hitting on all the stereotypes. Even more racist is the fact that the actions on the field are generally coordinated by a white playcaller, sometimes known as a slavedriver, who distributes the rock-thing. The slavedriver gives the orders that from commanders on the sideline who are generally old white men, referred to as slave overseers.
Responding to anti-racist protests, sportsball's organizers have caved and begun to make changes to the game. But most franchises have scoffed at the idea of implementing Affirmative Action to replace the white slavedriver playcallers and overseers. One reason for the resistance is that whites continue to be most successful overall in these positions. Perceptions are likely fueled by memories of the most successful slave driver and overseer dynasties:
The last photo features Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, the slavedriver and overseer pair behind one of the most successful, racist, ultra-right and nationalistic clubs in all of sports: the Patriots.
Today, the League no longer provides the Patriots with privileges like tampered equipment and secret tapes to ensure that this racist fan-favorite suceeds. Furthermore, in an effort to appease critics who say the game is too racist, the League has considered addressing the white power demonstrations on the sidelines at the beginning of games, and no longer promoting teams that exclusively feature white slavedrivers and overseers.
Accordingly, only one team in this year's sportsball finale will have the typical white slavedriver and white overseer leadership pair; the other will employ a slavedriver who has been infused with the DNA of a single white mother and divorced black father who once threw things in a different sportsball. Most fans worry that the lovechild is "too black" for the playcaller position and could ruin the franchise.
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| Too dark to be a slavedriver? Most sportsball fans think so. |
For damage control, the League has paired the playcaller with a white overseer who has experience working with rappers and those who hang around with Crip-gangs.
But the concerns of the fan base do not necessarily revolve around performance on the field; many fans argue that their team, the Kansas City Kill-Chiefs (KC for short), was designed so whites could be racist when appropriating the actions of those who were pushed out of the area, or killed, to make way for Arrowhead Stadium (home of the Kill-Chiefs) and the city that was erected.
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| Arrowhead Stadium hosting rituals celebrating conquest. Here, we see the famous arrow symbol brought out to cheer the expulsions out of the region and in the direction of distant reservations. |
Fans worry that their face paint and headgear will no longer carry the same racist meaning it once did if the team has a half-black slavedriving playcaller:
Another issue is the future of the "tomahawk chop" cheer:
It is not clear whether blacks can properly appropriate these acts, especially once they add a hip-hop beat and celebrate the cheer as a "healthy hip hop" alternative to drive-by gangbanging and other activities:
Expressing disappointment, fans have vowed to attack those deemed to be appropriating the action, destroying its significance.
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