Modern Germany: a modern mess

Welcome to Germany, where the youth either denounce their entire cultural heritage or become so obnoxiously proud, they would kill the whole world over just to reclaim old borders. Why must you be so extreme, Germany?
Speaking of extreme, I expected Germany to be extremely orderly; after all, it's what the Germans are known for. But these days, Germans are extreme in another respect: chaotic, with little control over their actions. Here is my story.

Back in 2006, I met a girl who commuted from Munich to Berlin over the work week. She gave me her phone number and exclaimed nonchalantly that it was a number her boyfriend did not know of. Now I thought the girl was trouble, so I chose not to pursue her because I was looking for investment. Needless to say, the encounter would have prepared me for investing my time in everyday Germany.

One girl here has been married for three months and is already cheating on her husband. I know a second girl who had a regular habit of cheating that even extended to sex romps after day-long family celebrations with her man. I know because I was at the celebration and saw her disappear afterwards.

A third girl I know had been cheating on her boyfriend with a classmate of hers, for over a year. Finally, she mentioned it because she thought she was pregnant. When she confessed to her man, she could not understand why everybody was so disappointed in her; in her opinion, it wasn't like she had been with some "random guy" the whole time.

Another girl smashed a bottle during a heated verbal dispute with her boyfriend, cut herself and tried to convince the police that her boyfriend had assaulted her. Why would she do this? Because "she was mad at him."

German women: the scummiest/sleaziest hole around.
No wonder devout Islamists will not respect them.
A fifth girl laughs to me on a date about how many times she tormented this other guy by not picking up his calls. I know she is trying to hint that I should feel special being with her but sorry, I am not attracted to this. If anybody is attracted to signs of female callousness, they need their head examined. Because, eventually, whatever she is to others, she is to you. Write that down. It will save you years of anguish.
A sixth girl I know runs off to sleep with her ex although she's in a new relationship. She just "cannot move on" - yet, she already has somebody at her side. They always do. I am half-convinced that women would shrivel up and die if a day went by that they did not at least have the option of having somebody to fuck.

A seventh girl started dancing with a guy she had winked at on New Year's Eve and, to add to the drama, pushed her boyfriend away so that she could continue uninterrupted. Did she have a guilty conscience after the breakup, in which her man called her a slut? No. Instead, she became a supporter of an organization called Slutwalk, which basically stands for women doing whatever they want without the stigma of being called sluts. Yes, how unfair that women feel shamed and are called a word that appropriately matches their behavior. Incidentally, Slutwalk also stands against criticizing women for being unfaithful.

Another girl will date a guy she likes, block his advances to keep power in the dating game, send him home and then call up her old sex buddy in the early morning hours to get it on. She'll deny all of it. But, when you look at her phone, you'll find that 3 am phone call, again and again.

Another girl will go out with you and, after leading you to believe that she's single, suddenly reply to 10 missed calls from her boyfriend, lie to him that she's on the way home and then get back to you.

Some German girls may inform you that they are "out of the stage of random sex" - yes, a "stage of random sex", described like sleeping around is a progressive stage following speech and motor skill development.

I am God: appease me
and give me attention
German girls also have a tendency to proudly proclaim that they are atheists, but of course they are; real religions have rules and people who follow them. These women, on the other hand, have no control over their basic primal functions and could never follow the discipline required by religion.

Remember that special first time with somebody special? Maybe alone under low lights, at a vacation house near the lake or while cuddling on the couch after school? Well, apparently Germans lose their virginity to some sandy stranger at the beach, in some strange foreign country, at the age of 13. At least that was one ex's story. For the most part, sex in Germany carries as much emotional investment as buying a sweater. Or less.

Did I tell you about my first day in the country? I was on a train getting barked at because I didn't know how to operate the strange, unlabeled "push-down-hard-and-twist" handles to open the train door. Later, as that train was rumbling along, I took a walk to the bathroom and saw a young German girl emerge from the toilet giggling. Her clothes were askew and some African teen was dressing himself behind her.

The women here will tell you they're pierced in 5 places, rub up against you and, in a moment of hesitation, back off when they "remember" that they are already in a relationship. Oops. But they crave the rush. That's all German women care about.Once, some girl and her boyfriend were sitting at a table. My friend was sitting across from them. The girl with the boyfriend casually decided to feel up my friend, in mid-conversation, as he sat there across from her.

Over 80 years of Degeneration...
Perhaps the urge for a rush also explains the condom I saw along the riverfront the other day, next to a dead fish. Now in spite of all I have seen, I really do have trouble believing that somebody had had sex with the fish. However, it would have been an ironic twist in view of the fact that nobody in Germany is having sex to produce children, anyway. Out of about two hundred people under thirty in Germany, I know four couples with kids. In each case, pregnancy was an accident. Perhaps somebody should remind the Germans that their sex organs can be used for reproductive purposes. After all Germany, somebody is going to have to be working to take care of you in another thirty years. While the clock ticks, the lack of German parents partly explains why Germany's capital city, Berlin, is the largest Turkish city next to Turkey's own Istanbul.
Some Germans complain about the number of immigrants, but somebody had to show up to work and pay taxes in order to support the pensions of retired folks. Now don't get me wrong: I can understand the grief of a German-speaking person living where increasingly fewer people speak German or value the traditional, native culture. But accountability comes into play. Have children - and for God's sake, don't let those children grow up thinking that, for some reason, the New York/LA/insert gang sign here slum underworld speaks to them. Sadly, this new "urban" culture is everywhere, and the Germans are letting their own children follow it, too. It is not just the immigrants. So Germany, I ask you: how can your people go from Beethoven, Bach and Wagner to this?

Multikulti fail: this Austrian Hip Hop "sensation"
faced the deal penalty for drug trafficking in Islamic Indonesia.
One time, I saw some immigrant who thought he was bad ass by "tagging" Germany's subways with spray paint. But I have also seen a German in Hip Hop garb once who was about to tag a some outdoor structure, too. He saw me and ran away guffawing. On a scale of 1 to 10 in coolness, I imagine he thought he was a 10. Briefly, I also had a German "homie" roommate who was into the whole hip-hop look in a serious way. At some point, he stole my other roommate's credit card and went out to hip hop joints, strip clubs and casinos blowing money on drinks, girls and games. Apparently this grown man didn't think he'd have to pay anything back. Wait, isn't this supposed to be the land of Dichter und Denker?

There are signs pointing to a decline in intelligence among the Germans; Heidelberg, Germany's best-ranked university for 2011, did not even make it into the top 50 in the world. The country's reaction to the Fukashima incident also caught my eye. To recall, Japan had built a nuclear plant along a fault line in a country which experiences at least one tsunami a year. Predictably, disaster struck and that is the legacy of Fukashima. But the Germans, young and old, allowed themselves to be whipped into a frenzy by the Green Party and started marching on the streets against all nuclear energy in Europe. For two months, the Greens experienced unprecedented support and even won the election in Baden-Württemburg because of the timing. Then, things went back to normal and the Green Party became irrelevant outside of the state that they had penetrated because of the timing vis-a-vis Fukashima. Intelligent people do not act so impulsively and are not so easily swayed by mob opinion and mass hysteria.

"Fukashima is a lesson: stop nuclear energy!"
Yes, I'm aware that the Germans have a soft spot for "green" and "eco" (in German: bio), regardless whether it's solar energy, wind energy, Smart Cars or low-power vacuums. But it's funny, for as "green" as Germans are supposed to be, they can't stop sucking smoke into their lungs and blowing it all over the place. Everybody here still smokes, it seems, so regardless what these people think of the environment, they treat their own bodies like shit.

Another observation is that t
he people who work at the German Behörden
(state agencies) need to stop making such a big fuss about using English with foreigners, the language they have learned since kindergarten. The rest of the world is more likely to speak Chinese, Hindi, English, Spanish, Arabic, Bengali, Portuguese, Russian or Japanese than German, so did the Germans just expect the world to become fluent in German overnight for their sake when stopping for a visit? We have all learned English for a reason: so we can communicate. Stop being such a baby and use it.

Now you would think that a people who insist on using their language would be happy to hear you use it. But not the Germans. Behind closed doors, the Germans laugh at foreigners not speaking German "right" because the dialect is "off" or an article is wrong. It's ridiculous, especially when the immigrant version of the hip hop culture that everyone likes murders the German language on a regular basis.

At least they got its name right
In general, the Germans love to make small things into huge issues and overlook what matters.  For example, if you want your driver's license to carry over in Germany, you don't just need show that you have a license. You'll need a translation of that document, the notarization of that document, evidence of permanent residence, a copy of your passport, a verification that your foreign license was issued more than two years ago, a notarization of that verification, a translation of that verification, a translation of your license, and several other papers. After a six-month wait - if you are like me, that is - you won't even get a license with your name spelled correctly. I understand that this post has also made some small things into big matters. Still, the signs are eminent that Germany is a community in flux, and that flux is called decline.


  1. Anonymous13 July, 2012

    My son was born here in Germany with the best medical care and social network in Europe. Everything is clean, efficient and works properly (I live just outside Munich).
    If you come from a country that contains Detroit, Chicago, the state of California etc you have some gall to pontificate about a country that is so much more civilised and liveable than yours. My God, you people have the highest crime rate where kids get killed regularly by unregulated guns, textbooks use the Loch Ness Monster to justify the existence of supernatural deities, and you focus on people smoking foreign (ie: American) cigarettes? How in earth did I subscribe to such an ignorant blog?

    1. Speaking of ignorance, Ukraine, Latvia, Thailand and Estonia all have a higher homicidal rate than in the US...and so do the following countries:

      Honduras [7][8][9] 78 87 87
      El Salvador [7][8][10] 66 71 71
      Saint Kitts and Nevis [7][11][12] 38 68 68
      Venezuela [13][14] 45 67 67
      Belize [7][8][15][16] 42 39 39
      Guatemala [7][8][17] 41 39 39
      Jamaica [7][18] 52 39 39
      Bahamas [19] 27 36 36
      Colombia [20][21] 38 33 33
      South Africa [22] 32 32
      Dominican Republic [7][23] 25 31 31
      Trinidad and Tobago [24][25] 37 28 28
      Brazil [26] 26 26
      Dominica [7] 22 22
      Saint Lucia [7][27] 25 22 22
      Saint Vincent and the Grenadines [7] 22 22
      Panama [7][8][28] 22 20 20
      Guyana [7] 18 18
      Mexico [29] 18 18
      Ecuador [30] 18 16 16
      Nicaragua [7][8] 13 13
      Grenada [7] 12 12
      Paraguay [7] 12 12
      Russia [31][32] 13 12 12
      Barbados [7] 11 11
      Costa Rica [33] 12 10 10
      Bolivia [7] 8.9 8.9
      Estonia [34] 6.3 7.5 7.5
      Moldova [7] 7.4 7.4
      Haiti [7] 6.9 6.9
      Antigua and Barbuda [7] 6.8 6.8
      Uruguay [7] 6.1 6.1
      Thailand [7] 5.3 5.3

      Also, your correlation between gun ownership and homicidal rate is completely off-base. In Switzerland, "basic military training is mandatory and, afterwards, they are required to keep their weapons at home"



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